Thoughts during 1st Breakfast, Friday

Canberra Times

1. I seem to be doing something intense with my jaw during unconscious times.

2. I was thinking about what a train wreck I was during my first semester of college, at Sarah Lawrence, and I experienced a new kind of pain thinking about my kids having to go through that. Difficult and inevitable to a certain extent. But, I do think there is something very valuable in being able to look back at a past version of yourself and say, "Holy shit, what the fuck happened there?!"

3. ...I'm still entertained by "Walter Benjamin Weisfeld", and it's really not that funny.

4. After--what is essentially--a 9-month harsh hangover, social isolation, constant fight against the forces of thirst and malnutrition...essentially a 9-month spiritual war of attrition...my 25 years of intense birthing anxiety are over.  I'm slightly nervous about a few discomforts, but fuck it.
As I keep saying, that's the only way I can go back to being NOT PREGNANT.
*ahem*

5. I'm officially making it a life goal to someday have a room hidden behind a bookshelf. Going forward, I shall refer to it as my lair.


(39 weeks, 2 days pregnant...6 days 'til due date)

Day 211 of Vomiting

[WARNING: there are like 4 different things in this short post that could leave you uneasy, not excluding a face in a placenta, and my cervix. Whoops! Well, there; you've been warned.]


...and we are on day 234 of the year. That's 90% of 2012, so far.


I worry my gag reflex is going to be permanently changed after this journey through the dark jungles of pregnancy-long morning sickness. (Insert jokes here.)  I feel like I should be reading some Sartre, but I think it could be psychically bad for the baby...and probably me.

I watched some videos of people on ayahuasca. They were comforting. From now on, I'm going to pretend that I'm knocking on the door of the spirit realms when I'm hunched over not keeping my food and drink.  Each puking session could be an opportunity to encounter my true Buddha nature within...? When I see the sparklies floating in my field of vision, I'm just going to tell myself that I'm reaching towards sacredness.

Ok, all this lemons-to-lemonade is making me nauseous now.

As of Thursday, the kid should be baked enough to be a fine human being on his own. We've made it this far.  I can do anything for 1 to 4 weeks.  May the spirit of earlyish babies in my family run strong in me!

As of last Thursday: 
1 cm dilated
50% effaced
baby is locked and loaded in the head-down position.

Hopefully his face's love affair with the placenta is still raging strong, and he'll come out face down as he should.  (Srsly, every ultrasound he hides his face in that thing. I think of them as being besties.)


(36 weeks, 5 days pregnant)