Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Things I Called My Mom While Growing Up

I have a tendency towards nicknames.

I probably have 10 I semi-regularly use for the husband--we won't get into those right now, but I assure you that he hates half of them.

Growing up, I had several for my mother too. I find myself thinking about a couple quite a bit:
Dear Maternal Unit
Oh Great Vaginal One (as in, the one whose vagina I sprang from)

Obviously my mother had a great tolerance of (and even humor about) my persistent quirkiness. They were said with respect; I was never being a little bitch about it. They were just a little androidy.

I hope that when my kid starts flirting with the intersection of identity, science, and language, I will be just as awesome as my mom was.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Notes from the Bathroom Floor

To all the moms who say things like:

"Pregnancy is so great; I loooove being pregnant."

"God, I miss being pregnant!"

"Seriously, pregnancy is one of the best times of a woman's life! Trust me, you'll love it!" all those moms, I want to puke in your fraking faces right now. What pregnancy grass are you smoking, and where does one acquire it ASAP?

right now, THIS BLOWS.

(8 weeks pregnant)